Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
