I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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