the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
