Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
