In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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