Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
