chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
