Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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