Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Let's paint friendship bongs
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
