My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
