My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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