Your face is a jimmy john
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
