I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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