Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im calling her cock vulture from now on
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
MIDGETS
????
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
