i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
