I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
