So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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