chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
