So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
