Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
