We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
