How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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