I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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