Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
