As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
