do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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