she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
