Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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