eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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