I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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