i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What drink are we having for lunch?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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