So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
