Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
