Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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