Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
