The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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