remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Holy shit dude........stairs
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
