Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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