hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
