Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
