While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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