so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
