A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
