I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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