Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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