I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
