my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
