I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
