i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
