My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
